The Worst Job in Comics

ADVENTURE COMICS #487, DC Comics, November 1981
Dial "H" for Hero was this thing where you would send in your own designs for heroes and villains, and the book's writers would use them, give you a credit and move on. When Chris and Vicki dial the letters H-E-R-O on their mystic dials, they become new superheroes for an hour, and they fight the horde of villains that seem to plague Fairfax, a smallish New England town that nonetheless seems to have everything Metropolis does.

Writing and drawing this book must've been the worst job in comics. As a case in point, lets just grab an issue of Adventure Comics at random from the two years Dial H was the feature. Here's one of the many transformations in the book:
There can be some fun in seeing a recognizable name in the hero credits, but there aren't many. Most often it's just Stephan De Stefano of 'Mazing Man fame (is that an oxymoron?). Nobody in this particular issue made a mainstream comics contribution that I know of though. Although perhaps we should check the fashion world instead:
What the hell? What kind of a comics fan sends in designs for everyday clothes?!? To be fair, the comic had been asking for such suggestions (and for furniture too!) for months. I guess this bunch finally took the bait. Worth the wait, huh? Yeah, thanks for the lame padding guys. Now I don't have to get the latest issue of Barbie Comics I've been craving. (Later, there's a swimsuit design for Chris - red trunks must not have been too hard to draw.) I don't really want to laugh at 9 year olds, but 33 and 25 year olds are fair game.

What about the stories (two of them) you ask? Well, in the usual Dial H tradition, they're high on showing you new creations and low on sense. Take this science lesson for example:
That is one nasty ozone layer problem. The scientist's big plan is to send a rocket up to replenish the ozone, but the villainous "Radiator" (next week: The Carburetor!) has reversed the programming on the rocket so that it would now blow a hole in the ozone layer! Writer Marv Wolfman should really have known better.

In the second story, Chris and Vicki go up against a giant snake, who turns out to be a world-famous biochemist that even these high school kids recognize. He's taken some bad juju and it gave him this "Snake-Man condition"! Did it also make him grow a supervillain costume? Cuz that kind of science could put some fashion designers I know out of business! After his second transformation, Chris becomes Psi-Fire who can control his own density (uhm... whaa?!?) and Vicki turns into Sea Mist, who can "produce watery vapors" (again, what kind of comics fans create these kick-ass characters?). That last one's lucky because the sea mist cures the scientist - the antidote to his condition was simply salt!

See what I mean about this being the worst job in comics? The artist has to draw designs made by 12 year olds, while the writer has to shoehorn these concepts into a "coherent" story. And this isn't even the worst Dial "H" of the bunch. I think the Doctor's reacting badly to it...

Comments

Dr. K said…
I assume that the designer of Glinda's vest is the same cat yronwode who served as editor at Eclipse Comics not long after this issue was published.
De said…
My first exposure to Dial "H" was Adventure Comics #484 where the villain was The Pupil -- a floating eyeball with a mortarboard (with tassel) on top of it.

My shame knows no words.
Siskoid said…
Mine was as a backup in New Adventures of Superboy. Those were a little better, I have to say.
Stephen said…
whenever i read this story concept i always think the opposite that this would be the most fun. cause you can go as wacky as you want with it and at the end of the day if it sucks. you have the excuse this is what the kids sent in.