Batman and the Outsiders #7 - Pages 9-15

We pick up our story where we left it, with a doctor examining the block of ice to see if the Outsiders are still alive in there. And the only reason that doctor might hear a slowed-down heartbeat in there with a stethoscope, is because he's really Clark Kent, incognito:Note the cop, Harmon, who seems to know the score. Going by the Outsiders' reputation in Gotham, I'd say he was right. But Batman's in there, isn't he? Batman's Houdinied himself out of worse scrapes--err, freezers. In fact, he brought a heater in there with him. No, not in the belt...
MY SECRET IDENTITY! Screams Doctor Kent as his glasses go flying off. But it's fine, everybody's looking at the girl in modern art leotard exploding out of the iceberg.
Hey, remember when that guy, Fella, broke off a piece of ice and it broke off a piece of Batman with it? Well, how dangerous do you think this maneuver is? As we'll see, and I'll let you decide how fortunate we should feel, Geo-Force doesn't lose his head.
"You don't understand..." anything about fashion! White after Labor Day, Clark? (Off-topic question: Who invented that fashion rule anyway? People scared of being hit by a car during an absurdly early snowstorm?) Halo zaps the ice with her heat aura and...
...YAY! Geo-Force takes a dive, head first, on the pavement! Next best thing. But did they survive? Clark things so!
I'm enjoying how the cheap newsprint makes it seem like he's saying something else. Those are some well thought-out page lay-outs, Mr. Aparo! Clark is probably using super-ventriloquism to whisper secrets into Batman's ear. Nah. I'm just kidding. This guy isn't Clark Kent. He's barely even a DC Universe character. I mean, a DC Universe character would call Batman "Batman", not "this man", right? Or at least not try to get his mask off like it ain't nothin'. There's no WAY you're touching Batman, as his gigantic hand will soon show you.
You know, Batman's mouth and nostrils are both accessible. And we've seen him put bat-respirators over the cowl. So is there a reason writers are always having doctors pull at the mask except as some kind of manufactured jeopardy? The other doctor (Barry Allen? Is the gang all here?), the one without the benefit of a stethoscope, is doing his best checking pulse rates with his watch.
You know, because it's important to make sure these guys are alive even if they ARE walking around.
Geo-Force is such a douchebag. Metamorpho "ain't exactly human anymore", so GF has to say he's MORE than human. What does that even mean? And are you inferring, SIR, that Rex is LESS than human? That guy carried his own series in the 60s, you know. Show some respect. Only in the most egotistical mind would surviving an experience THAT FOUR OTHER PEOPLE SURVIVED (including a non-meta) bring on a bout of existential angst. "But what?" A jerk, is what. You're super-strong and tough, among other things, why is this surprising you? Rex rightfully gives him the stink eye. As for the other two:
It's nice of the emergency services to have hot coffee on hand in case the heroes DID thaw out (and despite officer Harmon's prior conclusions). And towels. And... combs?! Well, it's not enough to survive, you have to look good doing it! Black Lightning asks how she did it, because as you know, none of the Outsiders actually understand the others' powers.
Makes sense, though Aparo kinda cheated by not showing any glow until the bit where she busts a move. BL gives her a treat as Rex reflects:
No Rex, she's still dumb as a post. Just because she instinctively used her powers doesn't mean a damn thing. She's about as dumb as your writer here, who characterizes you as someone who judges people based on appearances, which makes little sense for someone who's been called a "freak" in polite company and who was married to a gorgeous genius. The second panel is VERY important to Outsider lore, because it is without a doubt the origin point of Looker, the worst-dressed character in all of comicdom (and that includes Gambit and the post-Flushpoint Titans, folks!). I'm sure they used the word here and went, "Looker! Hey! That's a great name for a superheroine! Start drawing now, Jim! I see bows, lots of bows!" Speaking of character finds of the early 80s... Where's Katana?
Now this is typical Outsiders Batman. He cautions against panic, but who's panicking? Halo may be putting energy (i.e. exclamation marks) into her questions and motivations, but I don't think it's panic. What is she looking at anyway?
It's Katana's sword, and now we know why she threw it despite its lack of boomerang capabilities. Plot, plot, plot! That's our motto here! Another unwritten rule of Outsiders is that Thou shalt develop the secret origins of the characters at the slowest possible crawl. So here we have the sword talking to Halo. Oooh, mystery! Hopefully they pick this strand up again before the end of the first year. Meanwhile, no sense in looking at Halo do her thing when we can have a grown-ups meeting:
Batman reveals that the cryonic equipment looks to be an "older model". Older to what? This is mad science type stuff and looks perfectly futuristic to me (Batman hasn't seen the robots yet). I wish I could say the all-powerful Plot told him about it, but it won't even figure since Halo just found a Katana tracker. If Batman will only let her explain...
"This is gonna sound weird, but you gotta trust me." That does sound strange. Very strange. But after 7 issues of berating all team members and not trusting ANY of them, we've been working towards something here. A moment. A validation. SOMEthing. And here it is:
Did you cheer and clap? I know you did. Warms the cockles (whatever those are), doesn't it? The Outsiders may finally have ARRIVED! Yeah! Except no. Barr has to remind us, this time through Lt. Freeman, that they really haven't.
Sure, Geo-Force is green. Halo's green, but she just did good. Black Lightning and Metamorpho were headlining series before you were a glint in Mike Barr's eye, Freeman. Better respect! Oh, and Batman's cape is whole once more. Props to Wayne Nanotech.
I feel like I should say something about Rex's flying platform thing and what kind of element it must be made of or expelling to keep two other guys aloft, but I can't get the image of Amy Pond dressed as a pirate out of my head. Sorry. But we're off to rescue Katana! Off to action and thrills! Oh, but first, another moment of unwarranted angst:
BL, dude, chill out. You're not the fifth wheel on this team! You're maybe the fourth! And even if you were fifth wheel, you do realize there are SIX people on your team, right? Sheesh. Lightning better get some good zaps in before he becomes a right misery.

Tomorrow: He doesn't.

Comments

Austin Gorton said…
Halo zaps the ice with her heat aura and...

None of those cops or doctors thought, "hey, instead of chipping away at the ice, we could try melting it"? When Halo's smarter than you, you know you've got problems.

Only in the most egotistical mind would surviving an experience THAT FOUR OTHER PEOPLE SURVIVED (including a non-meta) bring on a bout of existential angst.

Oh, the fist-clenching angst! Settle down Geo-Force. No one cares.

Batman's already trying to trace Cryonic Man's tech? How? He just came out of a block of ice. It's not like he's typing away on an iPad as he talks...
Siskoid said…
I gave Batman the benefit of the doubt on that last one. He must be tracking the kidney tube Cryo dropped at the hospital last issue.

Maybe there's a huge chunk of time missing between the thaw and that moment. In which Batman went home to change capes and track tech, while Halo brushed her hair and stuff.
Austin Gorton said…
@Siskoid: In which Batman went home to change capes and track tech, while Halo brushed her hair and stuff.

Halo may not know much, but she knows the importance of looking good.
Siskoid said…
Once she discovered boys, the learning curve became steep.
Craig Oxbrow said…
"It startled the highlights out of her hair! It startled the highlights out of her hair!"
rob! said…
I loved BATO as a kid, and I still do. Nevertheless, I enjoy these posts where you rip the book to shreds.
Siskoid said…
Craig: The Outsiders' uncanny influence on Scott Pilgrim.

Rob: It's lovingly done. Thanks for understanding.